American confused about a Swedish teenager (på engelska)
I'm an American who is confused about a situation that I was either in or around involving Swedish teenager who was not quite the age of 15 at the time which further adds to my perceptual confusion. I was 26 at the time.I will refer to my ex girlfriend (27 at the time) as "M" and her younger sister as "J".
My girlfriend at the time M said she wanted me to move into her apartment with her in Sweden when she visited me in America (I visited her a year before then in Sweden). A year later her parents and sister J went on vacation in America and visited me on four of those days.
Her mum told me something like "You know each stage in a person's life is pretty similar in Sweden and the US, except one stage in life is drastically different. Do you know of this?" As she said this J was helping her with the words whispering into her ear and they looked as if they were two teenagers giggling together.
Her mum told me something like "You know each stage in a person's life is pretty similar in Sweden and the US, except one stage in life is drastically different. Do you know of this?" As she said this J was helping her with the words whispering into her ear and they looked as if they were two teenagers giggling together.
At the dinner table her mum asked me "Why are the laws so different in each state?"
We were driving and in the back of the car I heard a small part of what they were saying in Swedish, the mum said Washington sexton, Colorado sjutton. One is a state I am from, the other is one we were in at the time. I could see why a Swede could say Washington because of Seattle, but why would a Swede talk about Colorado, there is often the misconception I'm from the Grand Canyon so they must have been talking about me. These two numbers for these two states, 16 and 17 happen to be the age of consent, that's the only way I could describe what I heard.
Four months later I go to Sweden to move in with my girlfriend at the time for three months or longer if the Sambo visa was approved while I was there. Immediately I could see she was very distant, when she wasn't at work or the gym she was on her computer for around 40 hours a week, much of the time was spent playing a game in a group with her friends. She told me she was talking to a guy on Skype, and that it didn't mean anything. Her family would have me come see them about once a week and we would do various amazing activities together. The second time that year I had been back to her family's house as we approached the house, J was on the side of the road, and her dad in the car said "There's J, you can go see her". I got extremely nervous and confused as to why he said that, and instead went inside. I did want to say hello to her though. Towards the end J's brother's girlfriend downstairs told me something like "J is upstairs by her self sitting on the couch, you can go up there". Was I supposed go up there and sit next to her and watch TV?.. Maybe kiss her???
J and her mum were at the dinner table, we were talking about rights and she asked me what my favorite law is in Sweden that is not the same as in America. I said Allemansrätten (in terms of hiking), and she asked me again if there was any other law I liked more. I said I don't know, then later in the same conversation she was talking about how she thinks teenagers need more rights.
Four months later I go to Sweden to move in with my girlfriend at the time for three months or longer if the Sambo visa was approved while I was there. Immediately I could see she was very distant, when she wasn't at work or the gym she was on her computer for around 40 hours a week, much of the time was spent playing a game in a group with her friends. She told me she was talking to a guy on Skype, and that it didn't mean anything. Her family would have me come see them about once a week and we would do various amazing activities together. The second time that year I had been back to her family's house as we approached the house, J was on the side of the road, and her dad in the car said "There's J, you can go see her". I got extremely nervous and confused as to why he said that, and instead went inside. I did want to say hello to her though. Towards the end J's brother's girlfriend downstairs told me something like "J is upstairs by her self sitting on the couch, you can go up there". Was I supposed go up there and sit next to her and watch TV?.. Maybe kiss her???
J and her mum were at the dinner table, we were talking about rights and she asked me what my favorite law is in Sweden that is not the same as in America. I said Allemansrätten (in terms of hiking), and she asked me again if there was any other law I liked more. I said I don't know, then later in the same conversation she was talking about how she thinks teenagers need more rights.
Another night they were at the dinner table and my ex girlfriend of the time was there too. They were discussing something in Swedish. My ex girlfriend said something like, "in order to understand, there is a certain word you should know, it's a French word, do you know which word it is? I said no. I did however notice a French word. I didn't know the meaning there at the time, 8 months after coming back to America I figured out what it meant. In America, it sounds like going to a new venue, like a new movie, opera, car show, etc. In Sweden it means something totally different. The different words and their meanings effect society's perceptions. This was toward the end of the three months I was there, I think they were talking about someone else at that point. Her sister and her mum left one night. My ex said "In case you were worried, she's just taking her (somewhere) to see someone, it doesn't mean anything." At the time I thought maybe she was going to a movie with someone. At the end, my ex said "Too bad you don't speak Swedish, you really missed out on something". That really is starting to sound like... something now. Of course there are many ways of interpreting this. For example they were talking right in front of me about someone who speaks Portugisiska, I even copied them and said Portugisiska my self. About a month after I got back to the USA, M had a new boyfriend who speaks Portugisiska so maybe it was that. But also I told M I wanted to break up with her half way when I was there, and she started crying, so what ever it was continued on.
About halfway into when I was there, her mum, J , and I were walking in the forest and by the sea, her sister and mum were talking to each other in Swedish about something involving statistics (statistik) about America. That's all I understood, so I decided to butt into the conversation and say something. I said "According to the CDC, which is the center for disease control..." and before I could finish her mum said "Stop, say that again" and they both looked excited, so I repeated, their excitement maintained and then I said something about the obesity rate, then their excitement declined. So based on their responses it seems the subject was something evolving health. Then the mum straight up asked me, "Do you know the abortion rate of the US?" I got extremely scared and confused as to why she would ask me this (I think I know why a mum would ask that now, but the age really threw me off), and said I don't know. A little bit later J was talking to her mum and pointed back at me with her hands and her mum shook her head side to side as if replying "no". This makes me uncomfortable to say, but it looks like it was possibly something to do with me not being able to be a good "teacher" considering the knowledge I had at the time. I do know a lot about this now though. I suppose it's possible they could have been talking about someone else, and J pointed back at me like "oh no he heard what we said about someone else" but with the question her mum asked me, I think the "teacher" theory is most likely, or she was trying to decide between two people for something. I don't know.
Imagine a swede my age in the 1940s (but worse) who was magically sent to the current times and suddenly put into this situation, and they don't speak Swedish, they would be very very confused. That's kind of what its like for me.
They also asked me again I if I think there is anything different about Swedish teenagers at the end but their tone at that point was totally different. I said, "Its pretty similar, because the internet creates a common culture." They just replied with "hmmm". What I said was partly true, but 8 months after coming back I figured out from seeing websites like this. I didn't even know what to look for at first, I wouldn't think to look for the opposite of what I thought I knew, its allowed (actually its not really allowed, its what they do) in the house, etc. That was the big part I didn't know which results in Sweden having some of the best statistisk in the world, the US being the worst in the developed world. It also has do with comprehensive education at all schools, contraceptive resources, family communication, and all of this has a big impact on different aspects of society. The teenage years are when the brain is developing interpersonal relationship skills, in America people are essentially expected to be a child until 18 and then just get out and know how to be an adult, it doesn't work and this is not the case in Sweden. People in the US complain the government shouldn't pay for any contraceptives. But a contraceptive is a lot cheaper for the government and the people than unexpected babies before one can finish or even start college and the effect it has for the rest of the life and all the services they'd need for a baby and its whole life with the mother not finishing school.
They also asked me again I if I think there is anything different about Swedish teenagers at the end but their tone at that point was totally different. I said, "Its pretty similar, because the internet creates a common culture." They just replied with "hmmm". What I said was partly true, but 8 months after coming back I figured out from seeing websites like this. I didn't even know what to look for at first, I wouldn't think to look for the opposite of what I thought I knew, its allowed (actually its not really allowed, its what they do) in the house, etc. That was the big part I didn't know which results in Sweden having some of the best statistisk in the world, the US being the worst in the developed world. It also has do with comprehensive education at all schools, contraceptive resources, family communication, and all of this has a big impact on different aspects of society. The teenage years are when the brain is developing interpersonal relationship skills, in America people are essentially expected to be a child until 18 and then just get out and know how to be an adult, it doesn't work and this is not the case in Sweden. People in the US complain the government shouldn't pay for any contraceptives. But a contraceptive is a lot cheaper for the government and the people than unexpected babies before one can finish or even start college and the effect it has for the rest of the life and all the services they'd need for a baby and its whole life with the mother not finishing school.
I made a video on Youtube about something like this, and it says USA, Sweden, and Portugal viewed the video, My ex, and her boyfriend were not on my friends list so it looks like maybe they sent it to her, no one said anything to me about it so I don't know from them what this was about, maybe people here might be able to give me some insight.
