Wife caught cheating

Thank you for the advice, and I have very little hope left after this. The cheating and the lying and the shame at not having found out earlier all build up inside you until you want to die...

I am English, from London, she is Swedish from Stockholm, but her family is in the north. She is very insistent that all woman want this lifestyle and keep showing this Stella Fadel influencer but that is just a weak justification in my mind. Nothing was consensual and it hurt me sombadly I will not trust easily again, which is sad in a new country with only her friend group as main friends and contacts.

People in general are rather thrustwothy. I'm sorry that you feel that you are not going to be able to trust anyone anymore! If you get close friends here in Sweden, you will absolutely be able to trust at least a majority of them.

The only thing not to do, is to lend anyone money. In that case it is better to give them the money right away, or say that you cant't lend them money. People who have problems keeping a budget will probably continue to have that problem. 

Try to find friends through sports. There are runners clubs for young and middleaged people for example (Hasch- or Hushclub I belive one was namned for example) Or group training at gyms. Or aerobic traing at Friskis & Svettis. 
If you have a hobby try to find groups on FB that meet each other irl. 

It's important that you engage in some sort of activities in your free time, even though the shock and the process of grieveing will take time and energy. But to do something outside home and your job can make life a little easier.

I am truly sorry for your experiences here.

However, I believe it is crucial to keep the focus on that many Swedish women are sl-s today.

 This is the downside of women liberation and the demographic abundance of Swedish men, (especially under 40 yo) caused by massive import of refugees the latest years. It is not politically correct to talk about theses things in Sweden but at least you know the real reason without getting carried away by how phantastic Swedish women are if you ask them that is or irrelevant training advices.

No logic. 

True: If there is an aboundance of men, it may be harder for a man to find a women.

But that does not make swedish women more prone to infidelity towards their husband or sambo.  

There have been and will always be men who are interested in some sexual activity (no strings attached). Women have never had to seek hard for that kind of encounters. If they really want to do such things. 

There has not been any changes in that respect in recent years. 

You're welcome ♥️

Yeah, I hear you, but please don't let her break you! After all, most people are genuine and trustworthy and faithful. And please don't feel ashamed! You obviously haven't done anything wrong - nor are you a fool for not having realised earlier. I know, it's easy to beat yourself up and feel you're the most gullible idiot alive when something like this happens but the truth is that the natural thing to do is to trust your partner. That doesn't make you gullible nor a fool ♥️

OP! I hope you will see right through this massive pile of shit. I can't believe someone actually liked it (tho come to think of it, it was probably "Note" himself)

With her extramarital relations in broad daylight she constructed an almost laughable excuse. Her claiming  that sexual intercourse outside wedlock is acceptable in Sweden, seen as "open relationships", is pure fantasy.                                                                                                         Let alone has she betrayed the signature; she has also bereaved him of the "entrance card" into the Swedish society in case of a divorce. A dilemma. A pragmatic scene would be to pretend to forgive her and not dump her until he is sufficiently established in Sweden, However, this takes an icecold heart and patience. The question is whether it would work out, difficult to live under the same roof as an unreliable woman.

She is still lying about the extent of the affairs and now both asking for more than half as well as attacking me for not loving her enough to let her sleep around. I don't even know who this person is and who in the right mind would ask for or accept this crap....

If I may say so,I think you should just leave her. You deserve better.

Very good that you realise that she is far out when it comes to the way she looks upon relationships!

Few people would allow their partner to sleep around. She is the exception. 

She is trying to manipulate you to feel the guilt that is on her.

Normal people who wants an open relationship would ask their partner before they start sleeping around with others.

Don't let her have more of your money or other things than she has the right to have by law!

You have a hard time ahead of you. Grieving the relationship and taking action!

What they have seen in scientific research is that when these kind of things happen, the absolutely worst part of continous suffering, when it coms to getting over the shock and emotional turmoil, takes about 3 months.

Of course there will bee hard times after that, but not as continous. 

So try to get some support during this time! Take care!

Hell no to the things she says about multiple partners, open relationships etc being common. 

At first, men and my partner were just going to be FWB but even with that I was very clear to him that I'm not sharing. If he wants to sleep with me, he doesn't sleep with anyone else. 

She's lying to you to get things her way. And try manipulating you to doubt yourself. 

And to the moron saying that Swedish women are sluts, whores etc. What a single woman does is her business. The time of slutshaming and trying to control women's sexuality has passed. But if you are in a committed relationship and have agreed on monogamy, then you keep that. If you want to change the rules, like opening up the relationship, you talk about it before you go an fuck someone else. Or you break up with your partner if they don't agree to the new terms (or stay and don't fuck someone else). 

I understand thar it is frightening to realise that your partner is not the person you thought she was  and liked! 

But she will bring her way of not beeing honest into her next relationship, and probably make it less than good as time passes. By behave in decieving ways.

While you will be free to seek someone else and bring honesty from your part into the relationship. 
In the long run this separation will be better for you.

I agree with this person.  

@OP aka  Mike12345

I have no knowledge how you do in England. But here in Sweden we take a divorce when we discover our partner is unfaithful. 

She sounds like a horrible person to be honest.
Manipulative, egocentric and without regards for others. 
I can promise you that 5 years down the line you?ll be looking back with thankfulness of getting away from her. 

Not allways. It can depend on the people involved and the circumstances that made it happen.

But one common thing among those couples that will pass trough a crisis like that, is that the person who betrayed the other is truly sorry for what they have done and how it inpacted on their relationship and their partner. They take the responsibility for what has happened and what they have done. And they regrett it. 

The betrayed partner is allowed to be angry, sad and disappoinred. The person who is responsible for what has happened answers questions about what has happened in an honest way.  

The person who betrayed the other is determined to not do it again. 

Usually what has happened is that someone got real drunk and was on some event, and then it happened. Or someone fell in love with another person than their partner, but woke up and realised that it was not right at all, they wanted to stay with their partner.

TS partner seems to want to live another type of life. Where sexual fidelity does not exist. 

She hid it so well for a long time. I am so ashamed I did not find out sooner, I was too trusting and too blinded as we have been together so long and her family and friends are all intertwined in my life. But this utter crap about open relationships without consent is just normal cheating. Now to move on...

Very true, it's normal cheating. And she should be ashamed, not you. It's a flaw in her personality. You are doing the right thing by moving on. 

Unfortunatly one usually is very attached to one's partner. So you will have to go through some suffering to get deattached. Because relationships that one has to one's nearest family are deep and should be so.

So you have to pay a high price for your ability to love. But in the same time it is a blessing that one has that ability to love, in other parts of one's life. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to love your children for example.