Artikel som speglar diskussioner på FL om nätdating

Ja, det är ju väldigt konstigt att man fokuserar på långvariga singlar och dessutom bara intervjuar 15 stycken. Det ger inte direkt någon generell bild, utan mer en djupintervju av olika individer. 

Det vet väl alla att mängder med människor faktiskt träffas vis Tinder , mötesplatsen och allt annat och att det går alldeles utmärkt.  
Jag menar att fokus borde byta plats . Ta istället lärdom av folk som har lyckliga berättelser  om hur dom gjorde .

Att en singel person berättar att den inte träffat någon på 10 år är ju bara avskräckande och känns kontraproduktivt . Hur fan ska folk ha motivation då liksom? 

Det största problemet är att dessa personer skiter I alla  som svarar på frågan att dom lyckats.  

Om 10 svarar vi har lyckats så fokuserar Ts på den enda som svarar att det bara är skit med dejting och sen har dom båda en dialog om hur skit allting är.

Tråden kan bli 10 sidor lång med ännu fler lyckade berättelser men Ts fortsätter sin dialog med hur misslyckat skit allting är ..  

Hur många lyckliga relationer läser du om på forum? Om du baserar din bild om hur problematiskt det är att hitta en relation på olika ställen utifrån vad du läser på forum borde du även basera hur relationer ser ut på vad du läser på forum. 

Så, det är omöjligt att hitta någon på nätet eller via dejtingappar och så gott som alla som lever i en relation är missnöjda med sin partner. 

precis! Obegripligt hur många som inte förstår att vad som skrivs på forum inte är representativt för hur det ser ut i verkligheten.  Ofta är det just de som har problem som skriver, övriga har ingen anledning att starta dejtingtrådar.

Tusentals människor träffas fortfarande i IRL och det är färre och färre som använder nätdejting, när det är nätdejting som anses vara orsaken till problemet, varför kan de ta lärdom av de som slutat med nätdejting?

kan det ligga något i detta?

Coping with mobile-online-dating fatigue and the negative self-fulfilling prophecy of digital dating

Abstract

With the rise of mobile-online-dating apps new principles have entered the dating culture, including parallel dating, acceleration, efficacy, and non-commitment. These practices negatively affect the self, inhibit dating success and contribute to the emergence of mobile-online-dating fatigue. Despite its significance, research on dating fatigue remains underdeveloped so far, with limited exploration of its underlying mechanisms and broader social contextualization. This study draws on qualitative insights from 27 interviews, exploring social mechanisms of mobile-online-dating fatigue, users? meaning-making processes, and resulting coping strategies. The findings show how fatigue is a widely experienced social phenomenon rather than an individual vulnerability. Instead, mobile-online-dating fatigue arises from reciprocal hurtful experiences, specific attribution patterns and interpretations of experiences, just as resulting attitudes and strategies that foster negative social dynamics, including stereotyping, devaluation, repetitive and dissatisfying dating practices, and sometimes sexual coercive behaviors. These dynamics culminate in a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. The results also reveal coping strategies, with users projecting negative effects on other users and the app providers, while continuously reproducing negative dynamics hanging on to their app usage, opting for a general dating abstinence, or seeking digital alternatives. One prominent digital alternative is Instagram, where users re-enact excitement through practices characterized by deceleration, ambiguity, social embeddedness, personal risk-taking, and equivocal communication? practices that are perceived as an opportunity for resonating and therefore more meaningful dating practices. The findings are discussed against the background of a social understanding of the self, with users navigating a restrictive dating context, seeking for experiences of resonance and meaningful connections.

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Users report feelings of inadequacy and alienation, perceiving dating practices as mechanisms that intensify self-doubt and reinforce a sense of personal failure. This erosion of self-worth is fueled not only by frequent rejections and the behavior of oth-ers but also by observing their own actions becoming unfamiliar and detached, as if they are merely performing an expected role. Aggravating this decline in self-esteem are societal expectations and stereotypes, often linked to gender roles and sexual and romantic scripts. When users perceive themselves as deviating from these socially embedded norms?whether consciously or unconsciously internalized?they tend to attribute this ?failure? to personal shortcomings. This self-attribution reinforces doubts about their own suitability for dating and, more broadly, undermines their self-worth, leading to a pervasive sense of inadequacy within the dating landscape.

The continuous usage of dating apps is perceived as compulsive and addicted-like behavior with strong pull factors keeping users online and active.

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App usage routines are frequently described as compulsive and distressing, with detrimental effects on personal well-being and social conduct. Users report feeling trapped in behaviors they recognize as alienating and counterproductive to their own goals. This includes extended swiping sessions, amassing matches and maintaining chat conversations beyond meaningful engagement, overspending, oversharing or withdrawal in superfluidity, and neglecting friends, work, and hobbies.

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Subcategory 1.3: Social dynamics

The combination of users? experiences, the meanings they ascribe to these encounters, and the resulting emotional effects give rise to protective strategies that ultimately shape the social dynamics of mobile-online dating culture. This culture is marked by principles of low investment?intended to mitigate the negative cost-benefit ratio users often experience. As a result, repetitive and increasingly mechanical practices are exaggerated, fostering an environment where negative expectations and mutual devaluation between groups become prevalent. 

As such, users manage manifold dates following a low-cost logic, investing as little as possible to protect the self, which then corresponds with worn-out practices and finally leads to negative expectations and alienation.

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By minimizing monetary, emotional, and temporal investments, users set low expec-tations as a buffer against anticipated disappointment. This approach manifests in quick, numerous dates and a primary focus on managing probable failure, often with a ready exit strategy. Even in matches that appear promising, users apply an eco-nomic calculus?maintaining parallel options, organizing potential rebounds, and securing ?safety lines? in the form of secondary or potentially better matches. Such strategies inherently undermine the possibility for unique, meaningful interactions and erode the potential for genuine tension or excitement, rendering the dating pro-cess to a mostly transactional practice. 

Aiming to stabilize the self in an unsafe environment, lack of success and negative experiences turn into devaluation of the generalized other including stereotyping and negative group dynamics 

As a man, you get signaled: If you contradict, you get blocked. The woman has
still five other options anyway (male, 27).

I am fishing in a pond of male waste (female, 32).

Users commonly resort to devaluation strategies as a form of self-protection, project-ing negative stereotypes onto the opposite gender to shield against rejection. This dynamic leads to generalized mistrust and an adversarial atmosphere. Men often label women as overly demanding, promiscuous, or inherently ?worthless? (e.g., due to age, body-type, parenthood), while women view men as emotionally impover-ished, unreliable ?players,? or even dangerous. These preemptive defenses reinforce a cycle of devaluation, mistrust, and low-investment strategies, where the emotional costs of dating are seen as outweighing any potential gains. This cycle entrenches dissatisfaction and cynicism, shaping a digital dating culture marked by strategic detachment rather than meaningful connection. 

Category 2: Coping with mobile-online-dating fatigue
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Subcategory 2.1: Quit dating altogether

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Subcategory 2.2: Hanging on

To reduce unpleasant experiences with mobile-online dating, users who won?t quit 
try out various strategies.

Bumble has a slightly better reputation than Tinder, the men are more educated and communication flows easier (female, 27).

It?s the identical people there [on other dating apps] (male, 27).
When you stay off some days, you get better suggestions (male, 32).

While being aware of negative effects, users describe how they hang on to the dating-apps, navigating within the given conditions and aiming to minimize negative effects and maximize the opportunities (e.g., by outsmarting the algorithm), often related to the ideas about addictive-like behavior and lack of alternatives. While sticking to mobile-online dating they adopt a negative narrative, projecting disappointment and failure onto the app-providers, surrendering to the logic and hoping to make the best out of it, or shuffling between different dating-apps, with some advantages and some disillusionment. These findings indicate that changing platforms offers limited relief, as the core frustrations with online dating remain consistent across various applications.

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Mobile-online-dating fatigue as a negative self-fulfilling prophecy

Mobile-online dating practices foster a negative cycle of social dynamics resembling a self-fulfilling prophecy, perpetuating unfulfilling and (potentially) harmful interac-tions. As such, it seems to be a result of the users? own practices feeling worn off and hurtful, and social dynamics leading to a negative attitude towards the applica-tions, mistrust in and negative expectations of other users and growing doubt in being capable of dating in meaningful and safe ways.

From a social psychological perspective, mobile-online-dating fatigue involves generalized group dynamics that (re-)activate stereotypes, including enduring gender tereotypes, particularly when interacting with anonymous others rather than directly with individuals in face-to-face settings. Practices correspond with established theo- ries of social identity and group differentiation, such as othering (e.g., by calling men waste) to enhance one?s in-group as superior and distinct (Abrams and Hogg 1990; Robinson and Tajfel 1997) and self-identification processes that position oneself favorably within this group (e.g., by identifying the self as a romantic in contrast to others labeled as players) (Hogg 2001; Morse and Gergen 1970). These mechanisms are particularly salient in contexts where the individual identity and inner states of others remain unseen, even when similarities may exist (Mummendey and Wenzel 1999). In mobile-online dating, such dynamics take root when individuals feel vul-nerable, exposing their needs and desires to strangers, yet being met with hurt and disappointment. To protect self-worth and self-esteem, individuals generalize and devalue the other and rationalize their own expectations. These defensive, restrained, or even aggressive social interactions often hurt others, who then reciprocally adopt similar strategies as a process of socialization.

These dynamics resemble self-fulfilling prophecies, where negative expectations elicit behaviors that reinforce those very expectations. Self-fulfilling prophecies occur when attitudes foster behaviors that make expected outcomes more likely (Ajzen and Fishbein 1977, 2005), creating a loop where the anticipated negative behavior indeed manifests (Geis 1993; Jones 1977). Research shows that negative stereotypes can incite devaluing and even unethical behaviors, provoking responses that virtu-ally confirm the expected negative outcomes (Thoman et al. 2013; DelGreco et al. 2021; Kelley 1967; Schmader et al. 2008; Word et al. 1974). In mobile-online dating, when one expects disappointment, defensive or withdrawn behavior ensues, leading to unsuccessful interactions that are subsequently blamed on the other. Such social dynamics between groups?particularly in the context of gender stereotypes and dif-ferences?likely materialize beyond digital interactions (Schraube 2009, 2024); digi-tal established social dynamics and attitudes then influence processes of relationship initiation, shaping social environments, and affecting patterns of relationship forma-tion. Thus, negative predictions about the other might not only lead to increased loneliness (Luhmann et al. 2023), but can even inspire extreme hostility towards the other as shown e.g. in incel movements, with men and women withdrawing from dating and contact to the other gender, as a general lifestyle choice (Johanssen 2021; Johanssen and Kay 2024; Sparks et al. 2022) 

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Conclusion

The era of mobile-online dating has entered a stage of fatigue, marked by a recip-rocal dynamic where many users struggle to attain what they truly desire. Instead, they often receive virtually predictable negative outcomes, shaped by their platform-specific socialized attitudes and behavior [becoming programmatically inscribed in the logic and traditions]. As such, the user?s attitude and behavior become alienated and foreign to their own standards and values, leading to severe dissonances, devalu-ation, bad conscience and even shame on the subjective level. In favor of protecting the self, such negative feelings are largely projected on other users and the attitude is defensive. The resulting negative social dynamic then fosters a cycle of mutual hurt, ultimately leading to a breakdown in genuine connection and a safe(r) dating envi-ronment. Instead, it perpetuates a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, where individu-als expect the worst from each other, (re-)producing negative stereotypes and group dynamics impacting dating practices and well-being detrimentally.

Notably, these same users often experience more meaningful and positive inter-actions in other digital contexts, such as Instagram, where different communicative norms and traditions promote a more optimistic outlook on others? and their inten-tions. These findings highlight the profound impact of (digital) norms and traditions, shaping strongly biased practices, restrictive scope and finally materializing beyond the digital?shaping the dating culture in general Future research could further explore how these polarizing group dynamics?man-ifesting destructively in the current phase of mobile-online-dating fatigue, in contrast to the more positive dynamics in Instagram dating?are related to digital traditions and norms. Moreover, it is noteworthy that certain usage patterns seem to make some mobile-online daters resilient to fatigue, suggesting avenues for research into social conditions and individual strategies that support resistance to mobile-online dating fatigue. Finally, future studies might also examine the impact of varying sexual ori-entations on attitude, traditions and norms just as strategies leading to resilience and meaningful experiences.

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link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s43545-024-01042-0

Jag börjar alltid att prata om befolkningsutbytet och då blir brudarna mycket, mycket kåta.

Fast det är ju fler och fler som insett nackdelarna med datingappar, bland annat att det är ytligt och oseriöst. Jag tror bara det är ett fåtal som hittar någon de klickar med, så lyckohistorier vore ju orättvist mot de många som aldrig lyckas på apparna.

På vilket sätt är det orättvist? Borde väl snarare ge hopp och motivation.

Det är inte ett fåtal utan många som lyckas! Är ju ett vanligt sätt att träffa sin partner på idag.

Om man vill lyckas är det mkt bättre att lyssna på andra som lyckats än de som inte har lyckats. 

Orättvist? Om man vill lyckas så är det väl bättre att lyssna på de som har lyckats istället för på de som misslyckas.
Men en del verkar bara vilja klaga och tycka synd om sig själva och lyssnar då hellre på de som är i samma situation.

Vad jag menar är att man inte bör syssla med falsk marknadsföring. Det är, iallafall vad jag läst, långt fler som inte hittar någon de klickar med på dessa appar än de som lyckas.

Och då var vi tillbaka till att man sällan läser om de som lyckas med nätdejting eller är lyckliga i sina relationer. 

Berätta om när det skar sig med dejten pga olika politiska åsikter!
Måste hända ofta idag.

Är väl ofta så att ytterhögermän dissas samt oattraktiva män. När det gäller kvinnor kanske det är mer accepterat om de har högeråsikter men mannen som kontaktar henne inte har det, eftersom män har en tendens att ta vad de kan få.

Extremvänsterkvinnor dissas nog en hel del också. Men efter några ligg kanske. Nosringsteorin etc.